Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Where's Roseanne Roseannadanna When You Need Her?

We need more bayonets in debates and de army.  But hoses?

After watching  Monday’s debate on TV,  it occurred to me that while technology has improved some things, like battle armaments, you can’t spread peanut butter with a Patriot Missile (well, not with any precision).    That got me thinking about a little book I have in my collection of military memorabilia, the Manual of Bayonet Exercises, dated 1907. 
There are various tips on how to fight with your bayonet, both attached and separate from your rifle, tips on how to fight an opponent who is mounted on a horse, along with offensive and defensive techniques.   It describes a bayonet as a cutting and thrusting weapon.  It doesn’t say anything about spreading peanut butter, or even cutting the crusts off your sandwiches, but it stands to reason that those tasks could be accomplished.

it slices, it dices, it juliennes
Despite the advances in arms technology, there are still combat situations that require a bit more precision, and a multi-tasking tool like a bayonet seems extremely practical.  Of course you’d want to have some sort of portable cleaning product (maybe a packet of Chlorox Wipes) so you could clean opponent’s guts off the blade before engaging in any culinary endeavors.

The last paragraph in the manual reads like the advice President Obama must have taken to heart before the debate;

To sum up; Keep cool; study your adversary and try to discover his game; watch for opportunities and make instant use of them.  If you know the adversary’s game, take advantage of it; if not, make him play yours.

Clearly the president has the same book.  
But I have to agree with him about the lack of need for hoses.  What the heck do you need hoses for in combat?   What?  Horses? 
Never mind.


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