Gadzooks! A Kazooks Rebuke

Years ago when the costs of creating TV shows forced producers and networks to develop low-cost “Realty” shows, I had to watch some of them because one of my advertising clients was Planned Parenthood. Over the years in buying media, particularly TV spots, we always considered the content of shows.

With our target market being women 18-24, shows like The Bachelor and Bachelorette, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance, and older shows like Cheers, Friends and Sex in the City appeared to be perfect for PP, but many crossed the line when it came to political correctness or sexually appropriate behavior.

I don’t know if you, dear reader, watch The Bachelor. Maybe they watch The Bachelorette. I promised myself that I would watch neither. But Monday night I was taking care of my little grandson and stumbled on

 "The Bachelor" recap: Sean Lowe blindsided at "The Women Tell All.”

I wasn’t sure it was smart to let a 9 month old tyke watch a 28-year old man dating 16 women on TV, but the other viewing options involved grizzly murders, hoarders, pregnant teenagers, blood sucking teenagers, blood sucking politicians, obnoxious chefs and haricots verts.   I learned recently haricot verts are just skinny green beans, but haricots verts (pronounced harry-ko-vair) sounds more impressive. I guess. 

Kaz and I watched the Bachelor, Sean Lowe, face 14 rejected ladies, most of whom inexplicably cheered the man they had hoped to marry.  Maybe they were just relieved they didn’t actually have to stand at an alter and say, “I object.”

All but one was easy on The Bachelor. She insisted that Sean told her that he had no feelings for the contenders, Catherine and Lindsey. I was puzzling over why attractive women would bother with a man who was simultaneously dating twenty four other potential wives and wondering why there were no Wheaties or Viagra commercials airing, but Kaz seemed fascinated so I put the remote down.

I explained the show to Kaz. “The series revolves around a single bachelor (deemed eligible) and a pool of romantic interests (typically 25 of them to begin with), which could include a potential wife for the bachelor,” I said.  

Kaz, a bachelor himself, acknowledged my explanation with a nod and carefully bit the leg of a stuffed animal, which I took as his way of asking me to continue.  

“Each new Bachelor episode contains a rose ceremony during which one or more contestants is eliminated. Eliminations are based upon “date performance” (i.e., how the women relate to the bachelor on the dates). The bachelor must follow a process of elimination wherein his pool of bachelorettes is narrowed down week by week by presenting a rose to each of the women he wishes to keep.” 

Kaz pointed excitedly at the rose and jumped up and down in his KCS (Kaz containment system).  At first I thought, Wow! He’s really into this!

Then I realized the rose reminded him of food.  Shoes, books, clouds, mail boxes … well, pretty much anything he sees also reminds him of food, so it’s hard to tell if he was championing any particular woman.

I’m not going to comment further on this season’s event. I don’t want to ruin the ending for you. But in case you’ve successfully avoided this accident-you-can’t-look-away-from addiction, The Bachelor is an American reality television dating game show that debuted 11 years ago on ABC and spawned two more similar tear jerkers: The Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad.

In the end, (next Monday night) the bachelor may select only one woman for the final rose. In previous seasons, several of the bachelors have proposed, and one bachelor selected no one.

After 10 years of ABC matchmaking — 16.5 completed seasons of The Bachelor and eight seasons of The Bachelorette, three out of 24 “official” couples are still together.  That’s 12.5%. Not good! As of the end of season 16, none of the bachelors has married the woman to whom he presented the final rose.

Of course it’s all scripted. It’s ridiculous.  It’s vapid.  It’s Kaz’s secret shame.  He and I have a boys-night-in date for next Monday night.  Kaz has just got to find out whether Sean is going to propose to Catherine or Lindsey.