Instead of Taking A Knee, Take Two (and pray really hard while you're down there)

 

Cardinals Hire New Coach
Promise BIG Changes
 

PROPHETIC, PATHETIC OR POETIC?  Profthetic?

First, let’s bid farewell to Bill Bidwill and all the little Bidwills. Don’t blame the coach. Don’t blame the quarterback.  The buck stops with Bidwill (exactly where it started - Bill is still clutching tight).  

 

Maybe those mega-lottery winners will become philanthropists and charitably donate funds to buy an offense. 

Ken Whisenhunt was recruited from the Pittsburg Stealers by the Bidwells in 2007 and took Arizona to a Super Bowl in his second season. After following with a division title in 2009, he was rewarded with a raise and extension before this season. But a 58 to nothing loss to the Seattle Seahawks may have been the end of an era. KEN WHISENHUNT… HIRED, TIRED, FIRED!

Maybe Ken is sick and tired and praying to be fired. But don’t cry for him. He’ll probably be glad to take his $17-million-plus and go home. And he’ll most certainly get another job (he's a natural for the Bayer Aspirin commercials as the guy in obvious pain, clutching the bridge of his nose between his squeezed-shut eyes). 

His replacement?  Who could coach Cardinals better than a Pope?

We’ll have a new team name THE PHOENIX POPE and a new slogan

… "THE PHOENIX POPE ... PRAY & HOPE"

Since this new team is non-denominational, we’ll rename the stadium …

University of Phoenix Synagogue.

Three hours before gametime we’ll have a Mass and then kick ass




New Cardinal Offensive Coordinator

 

Taking a modified page from the Suns' Fun Guarantee against the Dallas Mavericks …

IF YOU DON’T HAVE FUN AT THE POPE'S GAME, WE’LL GIVE YOU A

QUARTER-BACK.

(Maybe I’ll get sacked for being sack-religious, but since the Cardinals' offense hasn't grasped the concept, I might as well).