Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Geology and Fiscal Hysteria


Cliffs are formed by the action of horizontal erosion on elevated banks. Like the Grand Canyon.

Then there are banks which elevated themselves by artificial inflation, which resulted in the charge to sign up to get on the Stimulus List. Now they’ve over-stimulated and are hurtling out-of-control straight toward that newly-legendary and ominous Fiscal Cliff. In a sudden spirit of sharing, they are generously taking us along for the trip over the edge.

Everybody’s talking today about what they’re going to do with the $500+ million if they win the absurdly gargantuan Powerball Lottery jackpot. Frankly I think this thing is rigged – the drawing is in Florida. Remember the Hanging Chads in 2000? And whatever the hell happened in 2012?  I think we should let the U.S. Supreme Court decide who wins. On second thought we’d probably want to know before the end of this century, so maybe we could let the Octomom decide (she needs a job and she is decisive, if stupid). 

I would like to win the Lottery, but my actuary said my chances of winning are about as good as my chances of surviving the plunge over the FISCAL CLIFF. He did suggest I go ahead and prepay several years’ worth of commissionable premiums (I guess he’s not worried about the Cliff).
But what would I do with all that money before BLACK TUESDAY, January 1, 2013, the day I expect I will die (along with everybody else who is going over the Cliff)? I suppose I could take some of the $550 million and prepay the Neptune Society for my cremation – but who’s going to be left around to come to my funeral?

The good news WAS this year (2012) you can (could) gift up to $5 million tax free instead of the traditional $13,000.  But it seems to me that leaving $545 million on the table, with maybe 35% (one hundred ninety-two million) going to the Federal Government (which is now a charitable organization, meaning I should be able to deduct the 35%) makes no sense. 

Another problem. I have a lot to do between now and January 1, 2013, so how am I going to enjoy my windfall? Maybe I can toy with Bernie Madoff (gee, Bernie, what should I do with all this cash?) or buy an offense for the Arizona Cardinals in time to see them win a game. Perhaps I will have time to secure a Golden Parachute from my own business enterprises so I can use it when we begin the plunge. The canyon at the bottom of the long drop is surely lined with Greeks who’ve already taken the journey, so maybe I’ll have something protectively squishy to land on.

I have a Powerball ticket, just in case.

1 comment:

  1. I always thought the Fiscal Cliff was the verbose postman on Cheers. Thanks for clearing that up!