Monday, February 11, 2013

Bless my Sainted Valenstern's Day

I had planned to craft clever cards with heart-felt sentiments for Valentine's day.  Then those nefarious postal workers took aim at my plans and fired a flaming arrow with Cupid-like precision, raising the postage rates just in time for my favorite holiday-ish event.

Around 1980, I was informed by a Jewish Scholar that Jews do not observe Saint Valentine's Day.   From a theological standpoint I knew he was correct, but the Valentine's Day I was familiar with had nothing to do with Christian martyrs.  It was just fun. 

But, being the good Jewish boy that I am, I changed the name to Valenstein's Day and sent out My Funny Valensteins.  I got a remarkable response (3 people unfriended me and that was long before Facebook).  It was still more fun than when I anonymously sent all the women in my family a coupon for bust reduction surgery, which got pinned on my brother-in-law for five years (I found that pretty darn fun).

A few nights ago I dined at my favorite restaurant, Flo's Asian Kitchen, and at the end of my meal received a fortune cookie with this fortune:

I once got a fortune that read, never doubt the words in a fortune cookie.   Besides, who doesn't need more friends?  And it's so easy to find them, what with all the social websites.

So, I went to Facelift, Linked-in, Plaxo, etc. and discovered there are a number of people actually named Valenstein living on the east coast and voiced to Mean Eileen my intention to befriend them.  Mean Eileen asked how I'd feel if some stranger named Valenstern called asking to make friends.

I immediately seized onto Valenstern (even better than Valenstein).  I Googled the name and discovered my long-lost (so long-lost my relationship to him never existed) um, friend, Valenstern Pereira who lives in Quepem, South Goa in India.

As far as I know, Valenstern is no relation to Vermin Supreme, but they might have the same hairdresser.

He looks like a Valenstern-Card-loving kind of guy, but there's that issue with those Valenstern Card killing postal rates, so he doesn't get one. 

But you, my faithful (ish) FLOGolites, YOU get the exclusive FLOG-only edition!

Incidentally, there's no "opt-out" ... if you read this, consider yourself Valensterned

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