Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Fiddler On The Computer

Not long after my wife of nearly 50 years died, I began receiving e-mail versions of the casserole delivery.  I can’t say I was invaded but I was certainly invited.  What I found inexplicable was the volume of invites from unknown individuals … how did they even know who I was or that I was suddenly an “eligible senior”. 
Mean Eileen arranged for most of the unsolicited emails to go directly to email purgatory (a.k.a. the junk mail box) and for those with subject lines particularly inappropriate for an AARP Gold Card member, they went straight to e-hell (no hand-basket).
However, a couple new ones escaped the auto-purge recently.  The first one had a subject line that read;
Married but lonely.  Search the largest site for cheating wives. Find neglected Lovely Wife to date today.

The second one had a generic subject line and I opened it without thinking;

I  am a 35 yesr ol woman... I have had 5 kidds 4 with me on in heaven.. I hav been married snce i was 17 to my husband.. I think i am the ...

Hmmm.   I doubt I will ever troll the internet looking for a relationship, meaningful or otherwise, although via the proliferation of television and internet banner ads it’s hard to imagine there is anyone in the USA that doesn’t know about internet matchmaking sites.  In the mid 70s my Seattle advertising agency was once approached by the owner of The Matchmaker … in those days, The Matchmaker interviewed men and women on video tape and then loaned them out to members.  I declined the account – I could not have been less interested in getting into the hook-up business, even peripherally.

My opinion on the subject hasn’t changed, but obviously the options have increased exponentially.  Men Seeking Women, Married Men Seeking Traveling Circus Performers, Women Seeking Teenaged  Boyfriends, Bisexual Biracial Pagans seeking Hyper Religious Southern Baptists with RVs, Ex Wall Street Tycoons Seeking … well, you get the idea.  
It’s a small wonder that divorce rates are over 50%.  Getting married is like buying something at Nordstrom or Costco. You can take it back, no questions asked. Only in the marriage business you may not get all of your money back.


  1. You are as always, a wild and crazy guy!

  2. Why, whatever do you mean? I've cut down on my drinking (never on Mondays in months that end with R), I gave up table dancing and I was hardly arrested at all last month!