Friday, September 28, 2012

Building Fantasy Teams with Players from Different Eras

The problem with political jokes is that they get elected - King Henry VII

A common question during presidential election seasons is, "if you had your druthers, who would you prefer to vote for if you don't like any of the nominated candidates?"

Personally, if he were still alive, I would vote for Mo Udall, who served as a US Representative from Arizona for 30 years (before Margaret and I moved to Scottsdale).

Morris King "Mo" Udall was a close friend of our good friend and US Senator from Washington State, Henry M. "Scoop" Jackson.  In 1972 when Scoop Jackson ran for president, Mo was asked if planned to run.  He responded, "If nominated, I will flee to Mexico.  If elected, I will fight extradition."

Columnist James J. Kilpatrick once wrote that Udall was, "too funny to be president" (which became the title of Udall's autobiography).  I read it three times.

Interestingly, Mo's grandfather, David King Udall, was indicted and arrested in 1885 for perjury stemming from a sworn statement he made backing a land claim for Miles Romney (the great-grandfather of Mitt Romney).  David Udall's bail was posted by Baron Goldwater (father of Barry Goldwater).   Politics are incestuous.

I never agreed Mo was too funny to be president.  I am certain his Mo-isms could distract me from whatever the disaster-du-jour is.  I've been contemplating my pick for Udall's VP and came up with several ideal choices. 

I imagine Mo would find Sarah Palin or Glenn Beck too side-splittingly funny for the VP job, but are possible cabinet candidates, as are Diana Ross and Vermin Supreme (so Mo's cabinet could include Diana Ross and the Supreme).  Or maybe Vermin should be appointed a judgeship to some court - I have to think about which one. 

A Duluth, Minnesota headshop owner, Jim Carlson, is currently running for president as the Grassroots Party candidate.  Apparently his store was raided by police last September for selling bath salts and synthetic marijuana.  Carlson promptly filed suit to strike down Minnesota's ban on the substances (the suit was tossed in November), but it shows he does not procrastinate. Unfortunately, he looks a little too much like a certain Star Wars villain, and I assume the bath salts are sold for a purpose other than bathing.

I finally decided on Hugh "Wavy Gravy" Romney (who says he is no relation to Mittens - even though on the surface they seem to have a lot in common).  Wavy Gravy once ran his pet pig, Pegasus, for president on the Yippee ticket and was behind Nobody's run for president in 1988.  The campaign featured such slogans as, "Nobody is Perfect" and "Nobody Cares About the Homeless."

He and Vermin Supreme have a similar fashion sense, but c'mon, can you ever have too much Gravy?  Plus the guy has a pet pig - which could come in handy at a state dinner.

Favorite Mo-isms

  • If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong

  • The ability to changes one's views without losing one's seat is the mark of a great politician

  • For those of you who don't understand Reaganomics, it's based on the principle that the rich and the poor will get the same amount of ice.  In Reaganomics, however, the poor get all of their ice in winter.

Vermin Wants You!


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