Monday, August 19, 2013

For Openers

Way back in 1954 when my mother was having a hard time opening the jars containing her super solid home-made dill pickles, Dr. C.W. Fuller, a retired dentist from Yonkers, NY invented and patented the Gilhoolie jar opener. My father bought one and left it to me in his Will. 

The Gilhoolie was amazing! A guy who pulled teeth for a living solved a major problem for people who put things in jars and tightened the lid to preserve the freshness - so tight that consumers couldn’t get in.

Then somebody even more sadistic than a dentist invented the rigid PVC blister-pack, which became known as the “clam-shell” - and sends more than 6,000 Americans a year to emergency rooms with injuries resulting from attempts to open them.

So when I saw an infomercial on late-night TV offering me an amazing tool that promised to spare me from the extreme health-hazard that is Clam-shell Packaging, I opened my wallet (using just my bare hands) and ponied up.  My opener arrived quickly but opening the opener was a major challenge. The evil clam-shell the opener arrived in was sealed.

I went into wrap-rage (guttural growling followed by primal-screams and finally spiraling into high-pitched, object-throwing shrieks).  With a Scarlett-O'Hara-worthy"as God is my witness" oath, I began my search for the company that had the openers manufactured in China to demand an unwrapped opener that could open the wrapped opener. Finding a phone number was difficult. Explaining my problem was even harder.  I eventually opened the package with a bayonet I bought on QVC (which I made sure would be delivered in a cardboard box) and put my two scissors and one Amazing Open X in a safe place out of the reach of human beings until I discovered them again yesterday.

Out of morbid curiosity, I Googled them and found them available at Amazon. I wondered why there were  “Only 7 left in stock, 13 new from $2.80 and 1 used from $3.50."

Hmmmmm.... 7 left in stock... 13 plus 1, carry the y .... uhhhh....

I assume the used one is more expensive because it's already out of the packaging.

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