In December, I suggested if the Arizona Cardinals fire Ken Whisenhunt, they should replace him with the 85 year old Pope.
Pope Benedict XVI, who was obviously too
pooped to Pope and too old to want a multi-year contract. I reasoned that nobody could handle a bunch
of over-paid under-inspired Cardinals as well as the Pope. So 25 days after
Super Bowl XLVII, Benedict XVI shocks the world announcing he is leaving, the
first Pope to resign in 600 years. The late night TV guys insist the former Pope was
fired (but by whom?). On 3/13/13 (a
palindromic number, nothing to do with Sarah Palin drone), a 60 to 1 shot in Las
Vegas, Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio is named Pope and immediately takes a name you
can remember: Francis I.
During the season just ended, the Cardinals won their first
four games, then tanked. After XXVback Kevin Kolb was injured, the experts said
the Cardinals didn’t have a quarterback. Now they have too many. Kolb, Drew
Stanton, Brian Hoyer, Ryan Lindley and John Skelton. They also have a new coach in Bruce Arians
and a new offense named the vertical offense.
The rumor is the Cardinals
will probably send Kevin Kolb somewhere and add another quarterback in the
draft. But let’s leave that up to the Papal.
Pope Benedict XVI, who was obviously too
pooped to Pope and too old to want a multi-year contract. I reasoned that nobody could handle a bunch
of over-paid under-inspired Cardinals as well as the Pope. So 25 days after
Super Bowl XLVII, Benedict XVI shocks the world announcing he is leaving, the
first Pope to resign in 600 years. The late night TV guys insist the former Pope was
fired (but by whom?). On 3/13/13 (a
palindromic number, nothing to do with Sarah Palin drone), a 60 to 1 shot in Las
Vegas, Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio is named Pope and immediately takes a name you
can remember: Francis I.
1 day
later a headline reads: Pope Will Meet With All the Cardinals on Friday.
Now my readers know I am clairvoyant. It wasn’t just a guess. Why would an
85-year-old want to "pope" 1.2 billion people rocked by scandal and losing
membership, when he could coach in the NFL (where less than a billion people have been rocked by scandal)?
During the season just ended, the Cardinals won their first
four games, then tanked. After XXVback Kevin Kolb was injured, the experts said
the Cardinals didn’t have a quarterback. Now they have too many. Kolb, Drew
Stanton, Brian Hoyer, Ryan Lindley and John Skelton. They also have a new coach in Bruce Arians
and a new offense named the vertical offense.
The rumor is the Cardinals
will probably send Kevin Kolb somewhere and add another quarterback in the
draft. But let’s leave that up to the Papal.
So what is Francis I going to say to all the Cardinals on Friday?
“Let us pray!” And drill. A lot.
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