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| Peanut Butt-er - (n.) one who launches peanuts from his forehead to entertain grandkids |
Here
are the winners:
1.
Cashtration
(n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially
impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2.
Intaxicaton :
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your
money to start with.
3.
Reintarnation :
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
4.
Bozone ( n.):
The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from
penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down
in the near future.
5.
Giraffiti :
Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
6.
Sarchasm : The
gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get
it.
7.
Inoculatte : To
take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
8.
Osteopornosis :
A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9.
Karmageddon :
It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And
then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10.
Decafalon (n.):
The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are
good for you.
11.
Glibido : All
talk and no action.
12.
Dopeler
Effect : The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at
you rapidly.
13.
Arachnoleptic
Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked
through a spider web.
14.
Beelzebug
(n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at
three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
The
Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
words. And the winners are:
1.
Coffee , n. The
person upon whom one coughs.
2.
Flabbergasted ,
adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3.
Abdicate , v. To
give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4.
Esplanade , v.
To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5.
Willy-nilly ,
adj. Impotent.
6.
Negligent , adj.
Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7.
Lymph , v.. To
walk with a lisp.
8.
Gargoyle , n.
Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9.
Flatulence , n.
Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a
steamroller.
10.
Balderdash , n.
A rapidly receding hairline.
11.
Testicle , n. A
humorous question on an exam.
12.
Rectitude , n.
The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13.
Pokemon , n. A
Rastafarian proctologist .
14.
Oyster, n. A
person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15.
Frisbeetarianism,
n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck
there.
16.
Circumvent, n.
An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
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